I've got a glock leveled at your crotch.

My experience with my first read of Alone on the Water

• "A month. At the outside.": Wait what. Really? This early in the game? Alright...jeez...
• "I have no desire to go through all that, John.": ...What?
• "Are there pills?": WHAT
• "...but I will spend the last day alone.": You ass.
• "Alone?": >:T Sherlock you apologise right now.
• "Yes. So I hope you'll be able to beg off the surgery that day. It'll be short notice.": Ow. Why did that hurt?
• Acceptable. My best friend has just informed me that he'd like to spend his last day on earth alone with me. There is no part of that which is acceptable.: WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH.
• I will bear the scar down my center to remind me of what I've lost.: NO. NO STOP.
• It's starting.: NO. NO. NO. STOP. NO STOP PLEASE IT'S REALLY STARTING TO HURT NOW.
• I am deafened by the noise of all that we're not saying.: AnjdkslahUJKLDHJSKLA?!
• "I can't see out of my right eye, John," he whispers.: NO MAKE IT STOP ADNKNLSJKLAAJ STOP.
• "It's time.": NO IT'S NOT DON'T SAY THAT.
• I wonder if it's going to be harder for him to leave life, or leave his work. Is there any distinction between the two in his mind?: Fuck OFF.
• At one point I look down to see that Sherlock is holding onto my jumper, just a slight pinch of my sleeve between two fingers on his right hand, as if he's just reassuring himself that I'm there – or perhaps that he's still here.: OH GOD WHY ARE YOU DIGGING THAT KNIFE INTO MY HEART YOU CRUEL BITCH OH JESUS -
• I feel that small tug at my jumper again. Hanging on by his fingertips.: NO NO NONONONONONONO
• "I think I don't want to be alone.": /SCREECHING
• Even if it meant that my heart wouldn't be breaking now.: /DRY SOBBING
• He looks at me, vaguely scolding. "John. Surely you don't need me to tell you that.": FUCK OFF GODDAMMIT WHAT ARE THESE? TEARS?!
• "Will you miss me, John?": OH GOD THEY'RE TEARS
• "Till the end of my days, Sherlock.": EVERYWHERE
• "I do get to spend the rest of my life with you.": IJT'S A FJUUUCKING WATERFAASLL
• I am undone.: ME THOO NO GOD PELASE MAKE T SOTP
• "I thought I was ready for this." His voice shakes.: AAANNDJKSLAHUWHUFBHDSBHJ
• "I want you to be the last thing I see," he rasps.: NOSTOPGODFFFUCHNONONONONO
• He takes his last breath a few minutes later.: NO GO BACK TO HOWD+IT WAS
• .: /tears everywhere
• .: /hiccuping
• .: /sobbing
• .: /twenty tissues already used
• .: I think...I think I might be okay. We'll keep go-
• Still the only one in the world.: FUCK EVERYTHING NO FUCK YOU FUCVK LIFE I JUST CAN"TANYTMORE FUCK OFF
• five minutes later: a puddle on the floor
• ten minutes later: still sobbing and trying desperately to blog through the tears
• twenty minutes later: starting to calm down but constantly triggered by various words
• thirty minutes later: face hurts, heart hurts, fuck life I'm going to bed